I love autumn. But...
Fall is usually a crappy time of year around the Miller house. Outside, the world gets golden & glorious, but inside, Mommy gets crabby & contentious. Which of course makes the whole family grumpy...
Technically, autumn refers to a time of harvest, the golden season where farmers reap the rewards of a year of hard work. Most people think of fall and autumn as the same thing, but I don't. I love autumn. And not just 'cause I have my own amazing Autumn 17-year-old daughter. Autumn in the mountains of Colorado is ablaze with shimmering yellows, smoky oranges, and hints of robust red. Here in our aspen stand, the world is transformed when these towering trees go all golden at the end of September.
Yes! That's what autumn does, what a change of seasons brings:
a transformed vision, a transformed world.
And yet sometimes fall feels like a slow dying. Tired, dry, exhausted, used up, worn out. The glory of autumn blazes in September & October, but the doldrums of fall hit near the end of that time too...as the trees are stripped bare, school lessons & projects pile up, late nights & early mornings come too often, and family demands leave me feeling "thin, sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread...."
I almost expect it, that fall weariness.
But this year it hasn't come.
About a year ago I was lost in a tunnel of darkness, barely clinging to the hope of light at the end. I cried too much, slept too much, ate too much, drank too much - but I prayed alot too. In the dark, cold months of winter, finally at the dead-end of my addiction to self-rescue, I prayed for one thing:
Transform me, God. No matter how hard I try, I just can't seem to fix myself.
So make me over, deconstruct and reconstruct;
bring this dead girl back to life.
And in the spring I heard the gentle whisper of Jesus, "Talitha, cumi!"
With toddling steps I ventured into summer, where newness of hope and life seemed to burst forth everywhere I turned. After decades of striving to make myself new, be something special, and earn God's love...my love-bucket was filled to overflowing & sloshing out. Even tho I didn't do anything. Just finally let go, and gave up, and the transformation happened.
As I watched the leaves turn this year I was so aware of God's transforming power. I mean those Aspen leaves aren't straining & striving to become gloriously beautiful, y'know?
God brings the change of seasons.
God does the transforming.
So here we are halfway into November, and fall doesn't seem so bad. Some kinda mystery-thing happened, and life feels transformed. I'm still crazy-busy, and most every Monday I get clobbered by the overwhelm-demon, but amongst it all,
I feel released to the inevitable, beautiful change of seasons.
So many changes happening in me,
transformation in the works...
(Stay tuned - the Mommy Sabbatical is coming soon!)
How's the change of seasons going in your neck of the woods?