I sure wasn't gonna have one. And sheesh, I'm what...42, 43? That's not like mid-life already or anything. That's way down the road.
I definitely didn't see it coming. I mean, who does?
Cause in the middle of yelling at my kids, blaming my husband, being jealous of my friends, resenting my aging body, and killing myself to hold it all together...it felt more like my life just generally sucked, than some identifiable crisis.
Crisis somehow implies a catastrophic event: a volcanic eruption, bomb explosions, flash floods and mud slides...
No, I think what actually happens is a slow, gradual, inevitable deconstruction of life.
What has been needs to make way for what is yet to come.
I'm starting to see a pattern: for alot of us, the mid-life deconstruction happens somewhere in the early to late-forties. Feels too young, doesn't it?
My life is already halfway over? I'm at mid-life?? Mid. Life???
And so here at the end of the world, and the middle of my life, it's time for a new start, a fresh perspective: Reconstruction.
But here's the really crappy, hard truth:
Reconstruction must be preceded by Deconstruction.
I know, genius, right? That's some kinda serious rocket-science logic there.
Obviously, I couldn't see that in the middle of the slow, gradual, not-so-much-of-a-crisis train wreck of my life. Now, with the dust starting to settle, I'm getting a hint of just how far back the train track was deconstructed, just how long ago my life started falling apart, trestle by trestle.
With a little time to let the bruises fade, and the wounds to heal...I get a glimpse of what a mess this train has been for a long while. I was in serious need of some deconstruction!
This mid-life deconstruction is a good thing; I can finally see it now. I've been rattling along for too long, with too many slapped together spare parts, trying my darndest to hold it all together. And now my good Abba God has a shiny new engine for me, and so many boxcars loaded with hope & promise.
Just to be clear - I don't know diddly about trains, or engines, or much of anything mechanical - so obviously, God is gonna be the one makin' it happen.
Thank heavens, cause I am plumb tuckered out of steam, or coal, or whatever it is that makes trains go, and finishes up this silly analogy...
I'm all in pieces here, Lord!
Let the reconstruction begin!
* Steam Locomotive image courtesy of Tom Curtis/freedigitalphotos.net
Caught up in any train wrecks lately? C'mon...spill it...don't leave me hangin' here deconstructed, all alone...