Stumbling Around in The Light

Yet I Will Rejoice

We are so wealthy.

All of us, here in our posh American culture.  I read it again & again, how we have so much, and yet we are ungrateful.  Even as we convince ourselves of gratitude, there resides within us an unrest, a discontent, sorrow, longing.

Maybe not for more stuff.  Certainly not for basic provisions: food, clothing, shelter.  Probably not even for something we can name.  But there is a longing for fulfillment, for the gratitude we read about in Psalms; the kind that only stems from coming out of a long-dark cave, from healing after ages-old hurts, from a drink of water in such a parched, dry desert.

How is it, that we who have so much, still ache & long & thirst? 

Perhaps God understands.  Perhaps He knows - it's all relative.  That even in our opulance, there are gaping-cavern spaces in our souls that long to be filled.

"Though the fig tree may not blossom,
Nor fruit be on the vines;
Though the labor of the olive may fail,
And the fields yield no food;
Though the flock may be cut off from the fold,
And there be no herd in the stalls ---
Yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
I will joy in the God of my salvation." 
Habakkuk 3:17-18

His Word speaks to our lives, across time, across cultural differences.  He knows the 21st century sorrows we struggle with:  broken relationships, debt, fear, addictions, worry, isolation, pain...

Yet I will rejoice in the Lord.

Yet.  I.  Will.

Did you hear it? 
Thankfulness is a choice.
No matter how I feel.  No matter the circumstance.

I gotta speak it, write it, proclaim it.
And did you hear that?
Pro Claim:  pro - for, favoring, in support of;  claim - state to be true or existing
When I proclaim my thankfulness, I'm supporting and stating to myself what is TRUE. 

The more I proclaim gratitude to myself, the more I hear the truth of my gratitude, the more my brain accepts the truth of my gratitude, the more my heart believes the truth of my gratitude.  Huh???  Just this: I need to proclaim my thankfulness.  The WILL to rejoice helps true joy take hold in my life.

I think, this side of heaven, I will always ache, & long, & thirst. 

Yet
I
will
rejoice in the Lord!

This picture shows the 'Thankful Cards' our family writes every year.  I simply print out little cards with date & 'I'm thankful for...' (4 on a page), cut 'em out, distribute pens, and everyone from youngest to oldest spends time filling out several cards, proclaiming their specific thankfulness.  Little ones draw or color, and then we jot in 'translations'...which has really been a hoot to look back on!  Then during the Thanksgiving holiday weekend, we pass the basket of cards around, & take turns pulling out random cards & reading past year's rejoicing.

Happy Thanksgiving, friends.  This holiday weekend, may we all will to rejoice.

Word Play

I changed the world with my words last night.

At least for one little girl and one mommy.

I have a friend who says his view of hell is having to constantly brush millions of screaming toddler's teeth.  He loathes the evening teethbrushing fight.  I gotta admit, I'm almost there.

Why is it that a perfectly darling toddler turns into a squirming, thrashing, wailing maniac when approached with a small, soft brush smeared with a speck of minty paste?  And haven't you heard that the jaw is the strongest muscle in the body?  I believe it, cause despite all logic, when it comes to prying open a mouth with a toothbrush, every 2 year old on the planet has a stronger clamped-tight-bite than the hand of any superhero.  Toothbrushing is like the ultimate torture somehow.  That and nose-wiping.  I don't get it.  But it drives me crazy.

So Serene has been doing the toothbrushing-avoidance-maniac-dance for awhile now.  Some nights are worse than others.  And truly, she's way better than a few weeks ago.  But last night I just wasn't up for the fight. 

Instead of the usual, "Serene Eliana, obey Mommy and open your mouth right now!" - I experimented with the power of my words.

Before she could even think of squirming away, and before she had the chance to open or not open her mouth, I said, "Whoa, look at you, Serene!  You're the best tooth brushing girl ever!"

She looked at me in confusion for about 1/2 a millisecond...then beamed, and opened wide!

I continued to speak the words that I wanted to be true of her...how cooperative she was, what a great spitter-in-the-sink she was, how super she was at getting those top, front, hidden-tight-behind-grimace-lips teeth she was...

And she became what I spoke of her.

God's Word spoke the world into existance.  And He tells me in scripture that the words of my tongue have the power of life or death.  My words have the power to change her little world, standing on a stepstool in the upstairs bathroom.  My words have the power to change my heart toward my precious little girl. 

What can your words have the power to change today?

To Train Up A ...Mouth?

I can change the world with my mouth.

You can too.

If you search God's Word for scriptures relating to the power of our tongue, our lips, our mouth, our words...you'll find well over 400, from Old Testament thru Revelation.  Obviously there are many, many more about the power of God's Word, the source of life & truth.  And yet, God repeats & repeats His message that there is great power in the words of our very own mouths.

Job 15:6 -- Your own mouth condemns you, not mine; your own lips testify against you.

Psalm 59:7 -- See what they spew from their mouths— the words from their lips are sharp as swords, and they think, “Who can hear us?”

Proverbs 12:18 -- The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

Ecclesiastes 5:6 -- Do not let your mouth lead you into sin.

Jeremiah 9:8 -- The tongue is a deadly arrow; it speaks deceitfully.

Matthew 15:11 -- What goes into someone’s mouth does not defile them, but what comes out of their mouth, that is what defiles them.

James 3:5-6 -- Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark.  The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.

Proverbs 18:21 -- The tongue has the power of life and death...

The scriptures convict me.  But truthfully, I wasn't convinced until I tried it myself.  I didn't GET IT until I felt & experienced the real-life fruit blooming in my family when my mouth speaks life...and the real-life stench that exudes from every corner of my home when my mouth speaks death.

It starts to snow just before I need to leave the house.  Frustration mounts, and my flesh feels like saying this:
"Dangit!  The roads are gonna be slick, we'll never make it on time now!"
But everything changes if I can train my mouth to speak this:
"Whoa, you guys, it's snowing!  So beautiful!  C'mon, let's load up now so we won't be too late!"
BOTH perspectives are TRUTH.  Which truth do I want my life to be shaped by?  Which truth do I want my family & children & home shaped by?

If I can train my mouth in what truth to speak, no matter how I feel, MY HEART WILL CHANGE.  It may take time.  I might have to keep speaking that positive view of things over & over & over...letting my ears hear, letting my brain comprehend, till my heart believes.

Luke 6:45 -- A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.

I speak truth,
my ears hear it,
my brain processes it,
my heart believes it,
my family is transformed.

And that's how my mouth can change the world.

The Princess and The Pee

That's the name of the drama production our local middle school has been working on.

The Princess and The Pee:  Now Showing!

I think someone came up with the spoof from hidden cameras in my house.  It looks like this:

Serene:  "Gotta go potty, Mommy!"
me:  "Oh...I'm nursing the baby...Autumn, can you take her?"
Autumn:  "Oh...I'm finishing my math test...Eliza can you take her?"
Eliza:  "Oh..."
Serene:  "NO, Mommy!  I take her!  I take Serene potty by mySELF!"

So Serene teeters frantically to the bathroom, with her little princess panties down around her ankles...is quiet for about 10 seconds...then emits a blood-curdling scream.

Didn't quite make it. 
Again.

There is something so uniquely infuriating about cleaning up a puddle of pee, mere inches away from the target.  Which of course means the rug is doused, her clothes are soaked, and she needs a bath.
Again.

Did I mention this has happened something like ten thousand times in the past 72 hours?

Despite all my proud-little-wisdom about potty training, I'm utterly failing with this issue.  Glad for her to gain some independence and learn to go on her own.  Proud that she's showing a bit of 2-yr old initiative.  But how do I increase the chances that she actually deposits the aforementioned bodily fluids into the TOILET instead of on the FLOOR???

So as I'm bitterly gritting my teeth, on my knees in the bathroom floor, the 'production' ends like this:

me: "Serene, you do NOT pee on the floor!  That is a no-no!"
Serene, softly, sadly:  "I so sorry, Mommy.  I kween up...I fahgive you..."
me:  (sigh.)  "It's okay, Serene.  You'll do better next time.  I DO forgive you, sweet princess."

Ahhh, the joy and humility of motherhood...

"The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love."  -Psalm 103:8

Lord, let me be more like You!  Especially with the Princess and The Pee goin' on over here.  Grow Your Spirit in me, that I might be slow to anger, abounding in love, compassionate and gracious as I wipe up the bathroom floor!

So where are you getting to practice compassion & grace lately?  I for one have been really struggling with that whole "slow to anger, abounding in love" thing lately...

Hope Inside

Orphan Sunday. 
I am so broken I cannot write, I cannot speak of it. 
A fear?  A longing?  A hope?  So much unknown.

There is a Hope in me.

Waiting to be conceived.

I do not understand the fullness of it; what it might be.  
A child?  A thing?  A life?

I have felt the promise of her, for so long, for so many years.  When another baby grew in my belly, I thought she would be Hope.  But no, not yet.  She was not my little Hope. 

And then another new life, our 7th child to hold...but this one all boy; still not my promised Hope. 

In time, God said, "There are to be no more big brothers."  What, Lord…what?  So hard to understand, and yet a finality that is both relief and agonizing sorrow.

Felt God whisper to me again today, in the blue-sky-wind, "There is a Hope inside...."

The Creator is waiting patiently for me to do my part, for Kevin to do his part. 

I do not understand at all what it means.  But He is calling us to join Him in creating, growing, nurturing this new thing, this new Hope of life, of something I know not.  I'm confused, and aching-longing-sad, and yet full of Hope.

I've begun to think perhaps the Hope He has long been promising me is not a child at all.  How could it be so, to be conceived in me, when He so clearly named our last, our 'coda?'  Is it the hope of something altogether different?  A new season?  A time of growth, obedience, abundance?  A new path?  Or another, somewhere out there, the love & longing for her conceived in me, but not borne of my body?

And even as I type it, I weep, and weep, and the small black letters blur & run & drip on the screen, and I cry out, "O God!  O God, I don't understand!  Speak!  Lead me!"

And He tells me, "Even the rocks will multiply."

What??  Isn't that supposed to be, "even the rocks will cry out??"
I have no idea what You mean, Lord!

But I am listening.

And there is a Hope inside me, still.