Stumbling Around in The Light

With Friends (Marital Fitness-3)

I can't do my marriage well without my friends.

My friends keep me accountable, they encourage, they talk me off the ledge...when I'm ready to push Kevin right over...

My friends are vital to the fitness of my marriage. 

Ten years ago I was ready to pack up the children and leave Kevin.  My girlfriend came over late one night, confronted my intentions, spoke of the deeper pain that would come from leaving.  She pulled out my Bible and insisted that I read several passages.  Out loud.  To myself.  And her bold actions finally broke thru my hard heart. 

Another friend tenderly refused to mollify my incessant complaints, and addressed the problem of my death-spewing tongue.  With nose-to-the-mirror clarity & chutzpah!

Both friends listened, and empathized, and truly loved me by keeping me from stumbling down into the pit of destruction.

These days, having moved halfway across the country from those friends (love you, Leslie & Lindsay!), I've been blessed with another beautiful group of girlfriends.

Friends that care enough about me to help keep my eyes focused on God's truth, instead of my own.
Friends that care more about my marital health than pacifying my attitude, or stroking my ego.
Friends that care enough to tell me when I'm going astray, even at the risk of offending me.

"...the sweetness of a friend gives delight by hearty counsel."  -- Prov. 27:9

These are the kinds of friends a marriage can't do without. 

If your girlfriends are saying things like, "I hear ya screamin' sister! Your husband's a jerk, and mine is too!  Men are pigs!"...then...umm...you need to find different friends.  If your friends are speaking death into your marriage, then you've absolutely gotta find some friends to speak life.  Friends to help keep you accountable for speaking life.

With friends, there is mutual need, and mutual serving. 
Equal measures of give and take; asking and gratitude.

With friends, there is vulnerability, tender honesty,
care that grows from sincerely wanting the best for another...
over and above any self-serving desire for peace or popularity.

With friends, I am a stronger Christ-follower.
With friends, I am a stronger wife.
With friends, I am a stronger mommy.

With friends, I am stronger.
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Linking up with Lisa-Jo at The Gypsy Mama, for Five Minute Friday

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How's it going with your friends?

Ask, Don't Accuse (Marital Fitness-2)

We actually got it right today.

Maybe not all day, but in a few great moments, we actually put into practice some 'workout' items our marriage counselor coached us on.

As we stumble through this season of seeking a fitter, stronger marriage, I'll be sharing what we've learned, what we struggle with, where we're learning to love better.  My intent is to post these updates as video blogs - so we'll see how that goes...

In typical homeschooling-mommy-of-seven fashion - the biggest challenge is simply finding the time to blog about it all.  Okay, that's not entirely true.  The biggest challenge is finding the time to actually work outta these marriage ruts at all.  Seriously, I had something like thirty-seven calls back & forth with our marriage coach just to schedule the next appointment.  In between kids & work & home & activities...Kevin & I can hardly fit each other in. 

And that's what happens, isn't it? 
We lose track of one another, in the chaos of family life. 
We forget, this is where it all began;
this marriage, this love, is the core of our family. 
Deeper still, God pulls me to refining, to Christ-like-ness, as I walk worthy of His calling for me to be Kevin's wife.  And refining hurts; it is hard. So.Hard. 

When it comes down to it, am I willing to do the workout? 
Am I willing to do the hard work required of building a strong, fit, healthy marriage? 
Am I willing to change habits, to learn new words, new patterns?

My will says yes.  So the training begins...

 

Does any of that sound familiar?  Do you struggle with accusing, instead of asking?

Marital Fitness

So Kevin & I have been in kind of a marital slump for, umm, well, a long time.

Like, since last Valentine's day.  Seriously.

We had this fun couple's dinner on Valentine's day, and so Kevin created a little questionnaire for us all to do before-hand...y'know, to facilitate conversation & learning more about each other, & all that.  But it kinda backfired.  It personally launched us into weeks, and then months, of conflict, blaming, isolating, arguing...you know; all those relational things we slog thru before finally digging ourselves out of the muddy ruts we've been wallowing in for too long.

The weird thing is, I guess that little Valentine's questionaire didn't really backfire...it just went alot deeper than we anticipated.  Cause all this mud we've been slingin' at each other over the past months, has actually made a huge difference in getting us out of those maddeningly-slippery ruts.

So we've made the leap - like we haven't done in 8 years - to step into an official, intentional, for-however-long-it-takes, Marital Fitness program.  In other words - we're seeing a marriage counselor.  Noooo, we're not on the brink of disaster, or contemplating divorce, or anything like that.  We're just sick & tired of these frustrating patterns, of the suck-you-down-into-the-mirey-pit ruts. 

And we're realizing that we have very little tolerance for marital sluggishness.  We're both pretty passionate, expressive, high-maintenance people.  Settling for a complacent, content, cool&calm&collected relationship just isn't in the cards for us.  I've pretty much always been either madly, passionately in love with my husband...or so furious at him I could push him out the upstairs window. 

Thus the need for a relationship workout.  I'm tired of the flab in our marriage.  We're not feeling maritally fit...and we're realizing there are practical, intentional things we can do to work out our relational-muscles, shape up, and turn this huff-&-puff marriage into something strong, enduring, and powerful.

After a summer of sporadic writing, I'm gonna try to get remotely more organized and actually post something every week, sharing our marital-fitness process. 
Yeah, the good, the bad, & the ugly. 
It might even get embarrassing.  Intimate details & all that....

If you wanna join along, I'll be sharing the books we're reading, insight from our fit-marriage-coach (i.e., marriage counselor), and any other relevant gory-details.

So how's your marriage fitness?  What's one of your top marital-strengthening exercises?