I used to think Makin' It Happen was all about me.
Pull yourself up by the bootstraps, right?
I'm the master of my own fate!
If its gonna be, its up to me...
And yet, when I finally let go of all the trying & straining & stressing & pushing -
God started making things happen.
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Everything's getting golden around here. The Aspens are starting to change, and just like every fall, I'm awestruck by the glowing beauty of yellow and orange leaves quaking in the wind.
Our western culture would say those Aspens sure worked hard to get so glorious!
Ummm, yeah. Sure.
Why is it we so clearly see the mighty Hand of God in creation...and yet think our personal lives are in our own small hands?
Seriously, it just doesn't make sense. As much as I wanna believe it, and so often live like it - I'm really not God.
Now don't start with the whole, "God can't move a parked car...ya gotta get yer engine goin..." Cause, duh, I know. I'm not suggesting a life of apathy & paralysis. Just wondering if all our cultural focus on taking-the-bull-by-the-horns is more bull#### than truth.
All I know is I got to the point of being so. stinkin. exhausted.
And then I sorta gave up. Cried alot, ate too many potato chips, quit running, stopped blogging, and mourned the loss of so many self-aggrandizing dreams.
Through the cold, dark winter, my cry to God was desperate & simple:
Transform Me.
I've spent so many years trying to transform myself. Be thinner, act nicer, get smarter, serve better, make your life happen, girl.
And when I finally said, "screw it; this whole change-myself project has officially failed, and I'm sending it to the shredder" --
when I finally laid back & cried & got off the treadmill, and admitted that I couldn't heal myself, fix myself, or transform myself....
God started making things happen.
Yeah, I had to 'allow' Him in. I had to come to that place of utter helplessness & defeat. I had to cry out for Jesus. But I didn't make it happen, y'know?
And now, seriously? I'm a little bit of a lot of transformed.
There are so many new, exciting, frightening, overwhelming, beautiful new paths ahead of me, my head is spinning! In alotta ways...it feels like a new life is opening up for me. And I didn't make it happen.
'Course now the challenge is to stay in this trusting, released place, where I remember that God is God, and I am not. Cause there's a whole lotta stuff to get done, as I venture forward onto these new paths.
I'm pretty damn scared.
Definitely more free.
And hopeful like I've not been in...maybe forever.
So yeah, I'm gonna risk typing again. But this time in a transformed kinda way.
Here's a shout-out to God,
for Makin It Happen.
How's God Makin It Happen in your neck of the woods?